Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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