My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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