so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
