She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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