I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
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Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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