he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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