Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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