Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
