Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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