I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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