He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
