it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
