wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
