i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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