I smell stomach acid.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
