so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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