Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
