pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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