Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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