You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
