Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
