Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize