I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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