i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
