"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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