Kiss
Puke
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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