in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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