yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i dont even know how to be here
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
