It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
