My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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