I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
