Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
