I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
