If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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