all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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