Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
a search helicopter?!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
