hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
