i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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