Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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