Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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