we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
