Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
