I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My breasts were aching with rage.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
