I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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