i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
