make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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