His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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