i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
