I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dear god my vagina.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
