in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
