If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
