i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
