his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
