I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Everything about him screamed your future.
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
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Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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