I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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