Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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