but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We're too hungover to prance.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
