I puked a lego.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
