Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
