So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
