No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
