she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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