so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
