No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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