i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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