how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
