I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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