Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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