i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My ass is underappreciated
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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