she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
