By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
