Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
