I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
