I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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