what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
