A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
