Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
worst night to have a conscience
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
