It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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