What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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