Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
