For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
