It's Friday. Sex?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
